Navigating a break up: Step 1

Heartbreak is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to feel.

It’s so easy when you’re in a happy relationship to undermine and forget the pain of when a relationship ends. When people you know are dumped you feel sorry for them but you tell them ‘it’s not the end of the world’ or ‘it will get better’. But to them, it is the end of their world and they really don’t believe you when you say it will get better.

How do I know? Because right now I am surrounded by people telling me the exact same thing. Don’t get me wrong, their support is the only thing keeping me even slightly sane, but heartbreak is such a deeply personal thing and no matter how comforting someone tries to be, you always feel alone in it.

So I am writing this in the hopes of reaching someone else that feels the same as me, and giving them the small comfort of knowing that they are not alone in this feeling.  

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The loss you feel right now is devastating, it’s like you’re grieving for someone but at the same time, you’re watching them live their life without you in it.

The worst things for me have been the past and the future. The memories feel like being stabbed, and the idea of living your life from now on without them seems terrifying. The only solution that I’ve found is to live in the present as much as possible.

It’s ironic because that’s what he was always telling me to do, but now I value it for my own reasons. And I know you feel alone because your best friend, who you shared everything with, is gone. I know you have moments when you look at your phone and it kills you that there isn’t a message from them cause there always was before. And I know there are times when you wonder how on earth you’re meant to carry on when all of the love they gave you is just gone. They were the person that complimented you and gave you the confidence to get through the scary things in life. If you had a bad day they’d be there to make you feel okay and they made you happy and safe. The loss of all of this can feel unbearable but you will navigate it and get through it, in whichever way feels best for you.

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Nothing about this is easy. No matter what anyone says to try and make you feel better, this hurts and at times you will feel like you can’t cope. There’s been moments when I’ve been crying and begging my mum to make the pain stop, and other moments when somehow I find something to laugh about.

Embrace every single emotion and be as selfish as you need to be. Just remember that you’re not alone in this experience and trust in your own strength. Focus on each day as it comes and let yourself feel the sadness as and when it hits you. Be open with everyone around you about how you are feeling and they will accept you and love you in the moments when you just need to cry and scream and panic about the entire situation.

Let yourself feel the pain and embrace the moments of strength you have, however brief they might be. Don’t worry about being a burden to others, do whatever you need to do and the people that love you will understand. I’m sleeping in my mum’s bed and sitting in my dad’s office all day because I don’t want to be alone and that’s okay. Anything that you need to do to slightly lessen the pain and make you able to cope is okay, I promise.