WARNING: AFTER A THREE MONTH BREAK MEN ARE NOW IN THE MIST OF MISERABLE LOSSES AND DRUNKEN WINS. AND AS FOR US LADIES, WELL, WE ARE ARE AT HIGH RISK OF THIS IMPOSING ON OUR LIVES.
That’s right. Football is back for the year and us girls need to know how to make it through our weekends.
It starts on the Friday. At this point you have game prep, build up shows and all the tweets rolling in about who is or isn’t injured. Blah blah blah. The first game was even on a Friday this year!
Saturday morning comes and one of two routines commences.
Number one: Going to the game
Bright and early they arise. Shouting and singing those all-annoying football chants that make absolutely no sense to the female mind. Then on the train they jump and they’re off. They’ve ditched you for a whole day to get wasted on a fine combination of overpriced pints and overcooked burgers.
But fear not girls. This gives us the perfect excuse to do exactly what we want for an entire day! Bit of shopping? Grab a bite to eat? Cocktails with the girlies? Why the hell not?! If he’s going to spend at least £45 (my boyfriend quoted this price himself) then why shouldn’t we do the very same?
I almost forgot. What if you’re lucky enough to actually go to the game?! Whilst that was entirely sarcastic, I personally do enjoy going. It can be a great atmosphere and with a few drinks who can complain?
Number two: Setting up camp at home
Same again, bright and early, you know the drill by now. But this time it takes over the house. If you’re planning on going to theirs for the day. Please think again. He will spend the day ignoring you. Or worse still he most probably will be telling you to ‘shhh’ as he tunes into three different TV screens and a radio, not forgetting the live twitter updates every five seconds. Girls this will only result in raising both our blood pressures and the likelihood of an argument.
If you’re unfortunate enough to be living with your boyfriend then I can only imagine the avoidance of football is much harder. It’s your home too, so why should you leave? You have a few options here.
Firstly, the attention-grabbing approach. Whilst at times, trying to divert a males brain from anything, let alone football, can be a tall order, it can be done. Depending on how much you want to, of course. Are you a dab-hand in the kitchen? Because this could definitely work in your favour. Who can resist the temptation of your best home cooked goodies prepared especially for him? Not many, I’d say.
But if cooking isn’t your thing, don’t worry. Your next best bet is to try and remove him from the house. Trick him into agreeing to go out for the day before he’s even had the chance to check the weekend’s fixtures. Make it a plan he can’t later get out of. Book tickets for something. The cinema? A show? Even a spa day? ANYTHING.
No matter which routine he goes through there sadly, is no escaping the dreaded Match of the Day.
10:30pm, and you’re snuggled up in bed next to your beloved. He reaches for the controller and that’s it. You’re then faced with a whole 90 minutes of three men regurgitating what they have already seen throughout the day. Unfortunately I don’t really have a solution for this. I think grin and bear it. If you’ve enjoyed your day shopping or managed to distract him via food then you probably can make it through just another hour and a half of football-related nonsense. Let’s face it some of the footballers are actually quite good looking. So why not treat yourself one last time and have a good old look at what the sport has to offer.
Basically, to sum up, treating yourselves is very important during this painstaking time, ladies, but if you do want to do something about it, distract him at all costs using examples from above.
Just do anything to get life back to where you are number one and not the 11 men running around kicking a ball of air.
P.s Fifa also comes out next month, so good luck with that one because that’s a whole new ball game! – no pun intended!