You may have had the delight in reading my How NOT to get over your ex… post where I stated that I’m no relationship guru… I’m still not, unfortunately, but I do pride myself in having a strong and healthy relationship with my boyfriend. So I’m going to give you my ten top tips to help you when your relationship gets rocky, because I think there’s always reason to try again if you both really want it!
Communication and correlation!
Knowing what your partner wants and expects is really important. Equally knowing what they don’t like and don’t expect from you is just important. This applies in everything really, talking with them and making sure you’re always on the same page (or thereabouts) will make sure you avoid any clashes that happen because you’re not on the same line. I’m not talking every time you go out to eat you must know exactly what you want to eat three hours before you go, I’m thinking emotionally, physically and sexually. Making sure you’re both comfortable with where things are at, and where things are going.
This ties in with consent, consent is so important in a relationship! You need to know your boundaries as a couple and know what each of you are comfortable with completely, and if you’re not okay with something? Let your partner know and be honest with them, likewise with trying new things, be open with each-other.
Arguing is A-OK, promise!
It’s a common misconception that the perfect couple always see eye to eye and never ever fight. *Incorrect gameshow buzzer here* Wrong. In my opinion, arguing is healthy…. having said that, too much arguing certainly isn’t healthy. Similar to what I said about communicating with each other, arguing is a form of communicating and obviously find “better” ways of telling the other how you feel but remember even the best of couples argue, so don’t beat yourself up over it! Just take time to calm down and hug it out when you’re both over it.
(Atifa suggests: Fight Breaks, in which you can call a “time-out” if you think you or your partner are going to say something you’ll both regret! ) Not sure how much I agree with these but I value her opinion, and if it works for you then great!
Knowing when to call quits.
Okay so this kinda sounds like I’m saying dump your S/O like right now, it’s not quite like that but I do think that there is comes a time when a relationship has run it’s course. In my previous relationships, I’ve felt it, tried to fight it and wish I hadn’t once everything ended badly. I believe that it’s much better to end on a happy note in a relationship where you agree that you’re better of as just friends (and staying friends) rather than having a messy break up. I’m not saying I’m really to break up with my boyfriend but I know that we would both agree that if we were forcing something that’s not there anymore it would be for the best. I promise the other tips wont be as negative as this one! Happy from here on out!
Support your S/O
Duh? Your partner is an attachment to you, so supporting them should come natural. I don’t mean holding their hand when they go to the loo kinda support (unless you’re in to that? idk) but the kind of emotional support that makes them feel good about themselves. The asking how their day was, (Or spice it up a bit so it doesn’t get boring, ask if they learnt anything today) that kind of thing. The support that shows you have an interest in their lives and what they enjoy. I constantly tell my boyfriend I’m proud of him (because I am) and give him the kick up the butt he sometimes needs.
Don’t be super clingy!
There’s no shame in having a “me day”, spending time together is great and I love being with my boyfriend, but I equally love the time that I can spend listening to music with my headphones in or curled up reading a book, or watching a film. Oh and the time I can spend with my friends! Remember that you’re living your own life and they’re living theirs and you don’t always have to be joined at the hip!
Leading on from that though, spend time together and make sure you dedicate time to just you two. “Us time” is just as important as “me time”, it could be literally anything! From going to the pub just the two of you, (with friends is obviously also great but try it just you two too!) spend the day in your pyjamas watching movies (or the cinema!) or go to the zoo? Weekend away! The opportunities are endless, whatever your budget! (I’ll be posting my date night suggestions soon so keep an eye out!)
Besties 4 life
I don’t really know if this applies for everyone, but my boyfriend is my best friend and I tell him absolutely everything (like besties do, duh?) Sorry girls but he knows all about your drama in your life, not because I want to gossip to him, but because I find that if I can talk to someone about it (and not just my cat. *yes it’s a thing… sorry not sorry*) and get my thoughts out in the open then I can find out how it’s best for me to help in the situation, and lets face it, the likeliness of him completely listening? Yup, exactly.
Even so, I laugh and cry with my boyfriend as much as I do my girl friends, hey even the sleepovers watching Netflix with a tub of ice-cream is there. Joking (well kinda) aside, we also have stuff in common as best friends do, and we learn from each other and share things with each other might enjoy, like basketball or Gotham for example. Having that connection with your partner is one way to make sure you connect, I’m not saying call them your best friend all the time, but being able to share things that make each of you happy really goes a long way in a relationship.
Trust in me, just in me.
Okay, hands up, who didn’t get my Disney movie reference? Watch the video I’m posting below, because to get me, you gotta know Disney. Aaaaanyway; continuing on, this probably should have been higher up the list, but with no chronological order it shouldn’t make a difference, but trust is such a huge factor in relationships!
Coming from relationships where you’ve been hurt by trusting too much is hard, but it’s not impossible to learn to trust again. If you or your partner have been hurt by dishonest exes in the past, don’t expect trust to be fully there at the start of the relationship, it’s something that will grow over time, it may take a long time or it may come quite quickly, but trust is so important and if your partner knows you trust them, it’s more likely they’ll trust you back!
Likewise with jumping the gun when your S/O is hanging out with someone of the opposite gender, *cough, hypocrite here typing this out as I’m guilty of doing this in the past* let them have friends of a different gender, this isn’t the 1930’s.
Meet their friends!
So this is one that my boyfriend actually suggested to me and I completely agree. It may be kinda scary and super awkward the first time you meet your partner’s friends, but once the initial meet n greet is over then you’ll soon start to get to know them more and more and hey, if they make them happy then thats all that really matters… Also try and make it quite early in the relationship, start building those bridges quickly and it’ll make it less of an awkward situation. Family too! I’m lucky to have such a lovely relationship with my boyfriend’s mum that I haven’t really ever had before with any previous relationships, but that’s because we’ve both made the effort to get to know each other and I’m glad it is the way it is!
It’s not all about you…
Another tip from my boyfriend that I agree with, don’t make the whole relationship about you. It takes two to tango as they say, so it’s a joint effort and sometimes it’s a bit of give and take, sometimes we have to do things we don’t initially think we’ll enjoy, (again with the basketball thing, I didn’t like basketball until I went to an NBA London game in January, now I love it so much I spent a fair amount of time crying after my favourite player left my team… yep exactly. #GalloFanForever ) Taking into consideration the other person really goes far in a relationship and sometimes looking at things from the other perspective helps too, so try not to be so cemented to the ground when trying to prove a point.
Have fun! Seriously, just go out there and have fun! Laugh at stupid things, sing to each other in the car or point out every single doggo you see wherever you are! Enjoy your time with each other doing things that make you both really happy.
These are just a few of the things I like to think help my relationship remain as healthy as it is, again, I’m not saying I’m a relationship guru or that my relationship is faultless but we’re still as strong as we have been for the whole (almost) two years of our relationship. As much as I go by these things, not every relationship is the same so find what works for you and your S/O!
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