What’s a good blog without a section in getting over your ex?
Well… let’s get started.
I once read a book in which every chapter covered every emotion I felt. This book opened my eyes when I thought I couldn’t go on, or when I felt so heartbroken my motivation to start my day was gone. In this post I will write about just that, ways to pick yourself up and continue with your day. Because you, yes you, deserve better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be able to live your life. You deserve to enjoy the moment.
When you feel alone
Everyone says that spending time with family and friends can help you to not feel alone. This may be true in some cases, but if you are anything like me, then this is the last thing that makes you feel better. The thing you need to do is embrace this, embrace the fact you are alone and that you are still alive on your own two feet. You survived without them before, you can survive again. If you aren’t comfortable with being alone, then have you really moved on? So, you can surround yourself with a million people or you can surround yourself with a million things that makes you comfortable to be alone. For me it was bringing back the hobbies and passions I once had which I had forgotten about. So, sit down and note down your thoughts and think to yourself; what new things do I want to try or what things have I lost sight of?
Waking up to no good morning texts, or going to bed with no goodnight texts
This for me, was one of the things that affected me most. I don’t know whether this is the case for everyone or not, but I felt like this had to be covered. When you wake up, whatever the first thing that happens, that is what will most likely affect your mood for the rest of the day. So, to not wake up to these can bring you down, and that’s okay. It will take a while to get used to this, but it will get better. In the words of a friend of mine ‘’ you don’t need someone to say good morning/night, you have yourself. ‘’ This is something that has stuck with me, because it is possible to do this. I used to wake up every morning and note down or tell myself in my head that I am grateful for being alive, and pick out three other things that make me happy. Then before I went to sleep, I would tell myself three things that went well during my day, even if it’s as small as I had a nice dinner or watched my favourite show. It may seem like this won’t make a difference, but it really does. It gets you trained into thinking good and positive things, and eventually this will take over your mindset so that you no longer need someone to say good morning/night.
When you’re tired of everything
Waking up and wanting to do nothing because everything tires you out, even just thinking about it, is the worst feeling. It makes you lose motivation for whatever is going on in your life at that moment, whether it be your studies, a job, or even your passions. But after a break up you are bound to feel this way. You lost a major part of your life, someone that was there are the end of the phone, who was there when you needed a hug because you were upset, or just wanted to hang out with. You lost a friend as well as an intimate partner. That isn’t an easy process to go through, and it does tire you out physically and mentally. Let yourself be tired, stay in, binge watch movies and TV shows, have pizza and eat ice cream. Do this for a few days, but after those few days, dust yourself off and pick yourself up. Pick up that phone and call your friend, have a day out. Grab your things and go for a walk, clear your head out. Change your diet, drink more water, exercise. Do something new. Your mind will not want to go back to old things, because old things are linked to the time when you were with them. So, to bring back your energy, do new things. These new things will be appealing, they will attract your attention and will make you want to pick yourself up and do it. Just remind yourself, it’s okay to feel tired, but it’s okay to want to be okay.
The feeling of regret
The regret of the horrible things that may have been exchanged near the end, or the regret of not working harder at keeping the relationship together. There are many things that a person can regret after a break up, and that is natural. Even if the break up was mutual or even if you are the one that was wronged, there will always be something nagging at you, and telling you it is your fault. The truth is, there is nothing you could have done. I strongly believe in fate, and that if something is meant to be then it will be. If something is not, then no matter what you do it just won’t work, if anything you will just end up being hurt more. So, accept the fact that things went wrong, and rather than dwelling on it, take it in as a lesson and learn from it. Learn the things that you could have avoided and the things you should have done. Learn and implement it into your future, whether it be a relationship or friendship.
Forgiving them and yourself
One of the things that come hand in hand to regret is not being able to forgive yourself. You may have decided the other party has caused a lot of issues, or you may believe that it is your fault. Truth is, it does not matter whose fault it is. To let go, you need to forgive both yourself and them. You need to take in everything you have experienced, accept it and forgive it. Learn from it. There will always be a problem that you can think of whether it be about yourself or the other person, but you cannot dwell on these forever. At the end of the day, the relationship did not work because it was not meant to be. The relationship was a lesson or a test, or it was used to help strengthen and grow you. So, forgive yourself and forgive them.
How to love someone without needing them in your life
If you ever truly love someone, then some part of you always will. That doesn’t mean that they are supposed to be in your life, or that you are bound together regardless of the situation. Two people can love one another without being right for each other. That love can help you to grow, open your heart to better things, and even teach you to love more than you may have in the past, so that when the time is right you can love truly. These are our temporary loves that are forever imprinted in us, don’t forget them or make yourself hate them, keep loving them but love yourself more to let them go. Forcing something to stay together will in the end just break it, and you, apart more.
What if you won them back?
There are several what if questions you could ask yourself, I know I do every day. It’s not a bad thing to wonder, to think of the what if’s. If anything, these give a sense of hope to you, not even just for the broken relationship but all other things. It shows you don’t just give up, or don’t hope at all. However, you should not let this consume you, and let yourself obsess over it to the point you don’t think about anything else. I don’t know if you are a fighter, but I am a fighter. I will do what I can to save a relationship or even a friendship, I will give my all. However, when I need to stop fighting I will, and that is when it’s over. It’s knowing the balance of when to stop and when to continue fighting. It’s knowing when the war is full of too much destruction. It’s knowing when to call a truce. This will be ridiculously hard to do to begin with, and that’s okay. Don’t think you are weak for wondering what if, just use these thoughts for the future, whether it be a relationship or a friendship.
Delete their number
Not all break ups are bad, sometimes it is mutual and people just realise they’re better as friends rather than lovers, and that is okay. Sometimes these things happen. However, majority of them are not always good. It’s these ones that will hurt one of the parties, if not both. It is these ones that will destroy a heart, and make them wary of the next time. So, please, if this is you, delete their number. Delete them off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and any other social media. Just delete them. Maybe in the future you can settle your differences, and maybe in the future you can be friends and add them again. But in the present, this isn’t a good idea. In this moment in time, you need time away. You need space, whether they agree or not. If they are giving you ‘maybes’ and ‘I miss you’ but no resolve, then they are giving you a hope that something that may never happen will happen. If they are just being horrible, then there is very little you can do to change them. Basically, you need to stop yourself from seeking the troubles by keeping in contact with them. With them being accessible to talk to, your mind will always wonder back to them. You will always wonder what they’re doing, and whether they will call or text you. Whether you two will have a chance together again. Whether you can win them back. These are things that will consume you, in such a way you will be stuck in a constant cycle. So, delete them. Only then will you be able to let go.
Letting them go
There is only so much someone can say, and advise you, but at the end of the day it is only you that can decide whether you can let them go yet or not. I have had several pieces of advice thrown at me from every direction, and I am pretty sure I ignored basically all of them until I decided myself that it is time I help myself. That is when I decided to do new things, read this amazing book, and start to let go. Even now I have moments of relapse, and that is okay. So long as you know it is okay for that moment, and don’t keep feeding it, then you will be okay. You can only let go when you allow yourself to, and when you decide that it is time to. It took me, what feels like forever, to decide this, and looking back I think ‘’gosh what an idiot I must have looked like’’ but at the end of the day, everyone has their own ways of dealing with things. You will know when the time is right, whether it be a day or weeks after, you will know when you are ready. Just don’t allow this to consume you, don’t allow it to change you. Grow as a person, but stay true to yourself. And remember, it is okay to feel sad, but it is also okay to feel happy.